It was a sunny day. I was walking on grass, in the backyard trying to pick some clothes that were drying out in the sun. Then my feet started to hurt. I looked down and I saw that I accidentally stepped on a group of ants, one of them bit my feet and I immediately swept it away. The sting wasn't excruciating, it was more of a pulsating pain. Like a warning.
An ant never stung me that way before. I didn’t know that such a small creature could do that. I was feeling very vulnerable during that time in my life, so my immediate thought was to get defensive. I started to think of the reason why she did it, ‘cause I didn't mean to step on her, but still, she attacked.
The ant bit me because I was threatening her life. Even if I didn't know or didn't mean to. She was protecting herself. Seems quite obvious, but that made me realize that nature is just perfect. Everything works in order. It’s simple. When I stepped on the ant, she felt threatened and defended herself. I was way more powerful than her, but, still, she stung me with all of her strength, ‘cause she has an instinct to value herself and her species.
I thought, well, humans must be working against the natural way of things, then. Why do we let people walk all over ourselves and don’t say a thing? We don’t sting. And for what? To avoid confrontation? To avoid retaliation?
This is so wrong.
That ant made realized that. How is an ant not afraid to attack a creature that could extinguish her whole existence and species and we're the ones who are afraid to say no? To set up boundaries? To speak up? How are we the ones afraid to protect ourselves?
No.
It’s time for me to be more assertive, more confident. It’s what I’ve been wanting to be, but didn’t know how. A simple thing happened that showed me the way.
I don’t need to lose my strive for harmony. There’s a difference between being harmonious and being an enabler.
Besides, one of the principles of practicing nonviolence is to not be submissive. I have to fight for myself, but always pick my fights wisely.
De-conditioning it’s not an easy process, I’m still learning. This story that I’m describing happened to me in September, and it was perfect timing ‘cause I felt like I wasn’t being valued and heard at work, so I spoke up to the manager and spent some days in countryside of the state with my family to clear my mind off work and mundane day-to-day life. And in the backyard, an ant teached me about life.
Wrote this back in November, but those are words I still live by. Ever since then, I learned how important it is to stand up for myself. I don't work at that job anymore. I started studying NVC (Nonviolent Communication) and it helped me understand people and myself better. Helped me understand where violence comes from and how to actively use empathy. A fresh perspective on how to protect my boundaries and express my needs while still having empathy and respecting others.
Behind every act, there is a need. And “Violence is a tragic expression of unmet needs." Marshall Rosenberg.
